I feel nauseous.
lately, I've been feeling nauseous everywhere
and depressed.
too much "i feels"
and I dont need that
but it's true.
I feel like whatever I do to ,I will never be good enough.
I'm dried of tears.


and the worst part is that I always seem to call this one person whenever I'm depressed, or so t seems to her.
and she asked me why one night. and I told her in a quiet voice 'maybe because I trust you more than anyone else I know. maybe because I care about you enough to share how I feel. I mean, it might seem like I'm always depressed whenever I talk to you, but that's only because I cant go to anybody else"

okay..so I didnt say that, but I was about to. so I hung up, and started to cry

which is a first in a long time
I hate crying.
it's painful, at's ugly sounding, and my eyes are sores afterward.

but then again, I hate not crying.
not being able to cry, especially when I can feel it

this is the second day in a row that I felt like crying.

but today ,I'm all dried up.
I wish that there wasnt so much stress.

I'm just tired.
tired of losing, tired of being a fly on the wall, tired of being exclued, by the way, which I am. if anybody's noticed.




I didn't think so.
I hate trying to get people to notice me, because then I feel like I'm needy, and that I'm bothering them, that I'm trying to hard or too much.



sometimes I wish I ad a brain tumor and died.
I don't feel the need for life.
I've been thinking about death for awhile.
not suicide, but dying.
I've felt like throwing up just to relieve my stress.
but I didnt
and I don't feel like committing suicide.
but I still am tired.
so that is that.
I need my rest.